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previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons!
We're a D&D 5th Edition actual play podcast, and I'm your dungeon master Russ More,
and with me today is Tom Laird.
That's me.
I'm playing Flint Firebeard.
Amy More is also here.
I am.
I'm here, and I'm playing Thea Amastasia.
And joining us today for this Flint and Thea episode is Carla Maxted.
Yes, I am here playing a secret character to be revealed.
Wait for it.
Momentarily.
Wait for it.
And extra special joining us today is a wonderful guest from Bombarded.
It's Kyle Claset.
Oh, hey, how's it going?
How y'all doing?
Yay.
Hi Kyle.
So good.
So good.
Thanks.
Thanks for having me.
Thank you for being here.
Why don't you briefly tell us, you know, I already told them what podcast, but
some of the deets on who you are and where they can find you.
Oh, well, like Russ said, I am Kyle Claset.
I'm the dungeon maestro for Bombarded, which is a D&D podcast.
I do with my band.
And we roll dice every episode to determine what chords we use in a song, which that
song will have an effect in the actual gameplay, depending on how well they do and meet the
I don't know how to go past that.
But you know, we write a song every episode and we do the music things with the Dungeons
and Dragons.
So, you know, you can check us out on any like podcatcher and you'll see it just
type in Bombarded and it'll pop up for you.
It's very fun, very fun show.
And I love the music.
And I was very curious how long it took you to actually write those songs or how long it
took your players to write those songs.
And it sometimes takes a long time.
It can, it can.
But you know, we eventually get it done and then we're just on to the next thing.
We try to keep it where we don't have to record more than one song in a session
that we meet.
But crazier things have happened.
I mean, K.O.
Sauce always gets the job done.
It's true.
They do.
Well, musically, yes.
God, if we had to go away and do something and then come back, it wouldn't get done.
It would never happen.
We don't forget.
I don't think I'd ever come back.
That's what send us a message in two hours and be like, did you finish the thing?
And we'd be like, oh, can I come back now?
I haven't checked Discord for four days.
Right?
Yikes.
Yeah.
Oh, well, that's our show.
Where you probably will figure that out is over on Patreon, Patreon.com slash dumb
dragon cast, where you can come join us.
And when you are a patron of ours, you get an episode dedicated to you like today's
patron, Cat Waterflame.
Thanks, Cat.
Oh yeah, Cat.
With your blue hair and your Post-It notes.
Just got it all happening.
All of those things.
See, we learn all about our patrons over on Patreon with those sweet, sweet monthly
hangouts.
We'd love you to come join us.
And now, fuck it, let's play D&D.
We open on a scene.
It's very early morning.
The sun hasn't even risen yet.
There's an eerie calm that spreads through the air of this room that we're in, and
we hear a quiet voice speaking low to themselves.
Panning around the comfortably furnished room, we see a female deep gnome in a corner
sitting on the ground beside a single cot and chair.
Just waiting for one of them to speak.
Who's the gnome?
Do you want to describe what your character looks like?
Maybe not necessarily your name yet.
I sure do.
I sure do.
So I am, no, very small.
Flaming red hair, done in sort of old-fashioned two-plate style, but for some reason really
seem to like kind of stick out a little bit.
So dark, thick red hair, and small, plain, plain kind of clothing.
That's about it.
We hear from down the hall a heavy set of footsteps getting closer to the door, and
from underneath you see torchlight coming closer to the door with these footsteps.
You see shadows being cast from underneath, and you hear a lock go, and then the door
swings open.
You see a tall, green-scaled dragonborn walk in, wearing fairly worn splint mail and
just a kind of a raggedy beat-up cloak, look like maybe he's been around the block
a couple of times as far as scuffling goes, but he steps in with the torch and checks
This end says, are our accommodations suiting you okay?
Well you know, it's awfully nice here, but it's gonna, it's, I feel a little, um,
a little restricted, a little like I can't quite express myself the way I would normally
like to.
Okay.
Does this restriction, does it, uh, does it ease your affliction?
My affliction?
Yes, the, the voices, you said they were speaking to you.
Oh that's not an affliction, that's just some people who need some help.
Some people who need some help, a lot of people need help, and I think I can
help you.
What, what are these voices, what are they saying to you?
Well they're, they're, you know, they're, they're calling out, they, they, they
need help, so I was going to help them.
Well perhaps I'm sure that we can help you help them, so it was, what was your name
again?
Oh it's real nice to meet you, my name is Lipsinki Pip Diggins.
Well Lipsinki, I assure you it has always been my life's goal to rid the world of
the pain and suffering that we all experience throughout life.
I can help in the suffering, I just need you to be patient.
These sort of things take time, I hope you understand.
Well I, I do understand wanting to help people, that sounds like a real noble goal,
but I don't, I mean, I'd rather not have to stay here.
I understand, but perhaps it would be for your own health and for the health of
the others in the town, to give it a little bit more time and see if I can't
suss out a resolution to what you need.
Well, okay, I mean, it don't, it don't appear like I've got a choice.
We all have choices, but unfortunately this is one that you do not get to make.
Well I'm going to be here a little bit longer, I'm going to come and try and
help you out.
We cut to Flint and Thea, Donnie and their caravan.
You, you three have decided to take some back roads in order to avoid the
deluge of people leaving Waterdeep back towards their various towns and villages.
You just find yourselves where the Great Peak Mountains and the Southwood
meet, along the North Point and the Southwood.
And you see up over a hill that you crest, a small town.
Looks like it probably holds no more than, say, about a hundred people.
And you come up to a sign that says Blackpool.
This isn't a town that's on the map, which isn't unusual.
Maps are drawn and left for a long period of time before they're redone.
But you see it's kind of early morning, sun's just coming up and you see people
just looks like they're a very few people kind of getting up and moving
about the city as you approach.
You, you ever heard of this one?
Black, Blackpool?
No, it's not ringing any bells.
Wait, is that like that song?
Blackpool shiny in the dead of night?
Like that one.
I think I've heard, I heard some instruments and some bars singing it.
Might be singing about this place, I don't know.
Sure, I mean, it doesn't really look like they need any help or anything.
Should we just roll through town or do you want to stop and maybe grab something to eat?
Can we grab something to eat?
Yeah, I can know what I'm thinking.
Get out of my head.
Get out of my head, Flint.
I mean, there's only room in there for one.
If that.
You stroll into town, right into town.
Yeah, I mean, we strut.
No, I think we stroll.
Strolling and strutting beside Clip Clop and Buttercup as they pull the caravan along.
Like we're a big posse.
We're taking the whole road.
Yeah.
Well, it's better to look like you are more than what's there.
That's how you scare bears off anyways, right?
Totally.
And a few people kind of look towards you as you enter the town and nod their heads
and go about their way.
They look like they're carrying baskets of goods to their various houses or storefronts.
Maybe it's so small here, we're not going to have to do the whole, oh, my God, are
you seeing Flint?
Oh, thing.
It's getting real awkward.
Right.
Do any of these baskets of goods look delicious?
Should we follow them to a storefront, Russ?
Oh, my God.
Shall we stalk anybody's basket of goodies?
Are you Yoki the bear?
Are you going to steal someone's basket full of goodies?
Maybe not steal, but we can go check out their wares if it looked good.
You definitely see someone, a younger human female carrying a basket of baked goods.
Looks like some various breads and rolls and that sort of thing.
She's walking through the streets kind of away from you as you're entering.
Yeah, I'm going to I'm going to stroll in that direction.
OK, you follow her.
We're still in a caravan.
And we're just going to slow right down and follow behind this woman and her basket of
baked goods.
Well, we don't know where she's going, Amy.
Are you trying to be less obvious about this or are you trying to, like?
I pull up beside her and I say.
She kind of looks aside to you.
Can I help you?
Morning.
Yes, good.
Is it still morning?
Yes.
Too late in the morning?
No, it's morning.
OK, it's morning.
Yeah.
Fuck off.
Jesus.
You can't enter character conversation and then.
Yes, I can.
We've done it for you.
Too late for us.
Don't tell me not to now.
We can't help but notice what delicious items you have in your basket there.
Do you have a storefront or a restaurant anywhere that we might be able to find some
something to eat?
Oh, yes.
These.
I was just taking the morning the morning bread down to the to the tavern.
Would you like to follow me?
Oh, why don't you hop up?
That was my permission.
This time?
Yes, absolutely.
I'm not going to follow you there like a weirdo.
Why don't you why don't you hop up here in the front with me?
Take a load off and we'll give you a lift there.
Oh, OK.
Like four steps.
Yeah, it's probably like right next door.
She passes you the basket as you hop up and says, well, it's just up the street.
It's.
We go.
She she startled and rolls go everywhere.
I would like to roll to catch them.
Yes, I'd like to roll to catch rolls.
Make a dex check.
It's a nat 20.
I fucking catch everything.
Well, I'm not even going to bother them.
One of them is in my mouth.
I say, all right.
That one can be yours as you nimbly grab them all.
You peel out down the street as you zip by it.
Oh, and I say, watch this, watch this and reverse, which is difficult to do with
a giant horse and a regular size horse in the cart that we have.
It's like an animal handling check.
Oh, oh, shit.
Yeah, son.
Twenty seven.
Yeah.
Who am I tonight?
I don't even know.
Kyle, you got a guest star more.
Kyle.
Oh, you're my lucky.
You're my lucky thing.
Yeah, you're staying.
You say, wow, I've never seen horses do anything like that.
Parallel parking.
What is what is happening?
This is new technology.
Oh, no, we've just been together a long time.
The horse is a good pat and a carrot.
All right.
Well, just come on in.
You can tie the horses up there.
And what do you got in them?
There's a dragon.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Don't don't mind him.
He's fine.
That's Donnie.
He'll stay here.
Buddy, you want us to bring anything?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Nice.
Well, I caught one of those rolls that you missed there.
There was just one that went flying airborne right by.
Caught that.
If they got anything on a stick.
And by stick, I mean a bone.
And by bone, I mean if they got a half a cow.
We'll take a look to see if they have a half a cow or not.
OK, perfect.
Great.
I'll just watch the watch the horses here.
Don't don't worry.
Thanks, Donnie.
What would we do without you?
Duff.
I don't know.
Probably nothing.
I'm pretty much the one leading this adventure here.
I don't think there's a pretty much about it.
You bet you, buddy.
Yep.
We go into the into the town.
We enter the tavern and it's it's not busy at the moment.
You see one male human standing behind the counter, the bar, and three, four, four individuals.
Seven.
What's the name of this establishment, Russ?
It's called.
He doesn't write it down.
We ask every time.
The Blackpool Inn.
And Tavern.
Blackpool Inn and Tavern.
You enter and you see, like I said, not very busy, but you see four individuals seated around a single table.
You see one green dragonborn and another male human, a female halfling and a male dwarf seated around eating their morning meal is what it looks like.
Where's your finest table?
The male behind the bars is.
I'm just kidding.
We just need a table.
Just help yourself and bring you a menu.
A little abrasive.
I need to apologize.
A menu would be fantastic.
We just we've been on the road for a while.
Only had this guy to talk to the whole time.
Understand.
Understand.
Let me.
Well, I mean, I can bring you a menu.
We we got we got rolls and we got oatmeal and whatever they're eating.
Do you have like half a cow?
Any meat?
Any meat?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I get you.
You want like a whole half a cow, like a roast, like a like a steak, like a.
What are you looking for?
I mean, just like a big old chunk of beef would be great.
So you want it cooked?
You know, I think our dragon can kind of take care of that himself.
A dragon.
I think really hard and I go like, Donnie.
When I hear that, I'm going to try to say, what kind of name is Donnie for a dragon?
Well, you know, I'm not entirely sure.
He may have named himself.
I'm pretty sure he did pick that name.
Yeah.
He's a pseudo dragon, so.
Well, he was.
He's not anymore.
Yeah.
Well, I guess.
Does he stop becoming a pseudo dragon once he goes through the Pokemon evolution?
Depends on how many candies he ate.
Swinging saloon doors and over the top, you see a gold dragon
Wormling stick their head through and says, you were trying to call me on the old head device.
You didn't answer in the old head device.
I was having a nap.
OK, but you didn't have to come in here, everyone.
It's OK.
I assume people are startled.
Some people look taken aback.
Yes.
This is Donnie.
You're already in here.
Why don't you come join us, Donnie?
Well, it looks a little small here through the door.
I don't know if I'll fit.
But if I could get that slab of beef there that you've got in your hands there, good sir.
That would be great.
They'll pay for it.
Don't worry.
Jared, actually give them the slab of beef and take care of their food for the day.
And I'll square up with you later.
Well, that's very kind of you.
Very kind.
Too good.
Too good.
I'm going to take this beef out into the street here.
You know, street beef is the best kind of beef.
It's true.
That's right.
Eat it in the cart, though, OK?
But...
It's super creepy seeing a...
The cart's still on the street, Donnie, so it still counts as street beef.
What if I went and took it up into the trees?
Yeah, OK, but don't go far.
OK.
There's a nice big tree that might be able to hold you just about a little bit
south of town.
Perfect.
Perfect.
Thank you, sir.
What was your moniker?
I'm Vorunax.
Vorunax.
Good name.
Good name.
All right.
Well, I'll see you later.
Goodbye Donnie.
That's me.
Don E.
Yeah.
Don E.
Yeah.
Like D-O-N-E.
Kind of like how you would almost name a robot.
Yes.
I guess so.
We'll have to ask him about that.
You know, like E is like his middle initial, maybe.
He's like Don E.
Fredericks.
Yeah.
Wilbur.
I don't know.
What?
Yeah.
That's right.
So, I'm sorry, Vorunax was it?
Vorunax, yes.
Y'all are obviously new in town since I heard you saying that you were traveling,
and of course, nobody I know here has a gold Wyrmling.
So, welcome to Blackpool, I guess it would be.
What brings you to our fair little town?
We're just trying to make our way back to Waterdeep,
and with all the people moving around the lands right now,
we thought we'd stick to the back routes.
That's fair.
Yes, sir.
We have seen a slight influx of travel through the town,
and of course, the work that the Decimators did recently,
is kind of, I guess, why we've been seeing more people getting back out into the world.
What's the, what's kind of the main, like, industry here in Blackpool?
What do you guys got going on in town?
This is a very simple, simple village.
We cultivate what we need to be able to provide for ourselves,
and no real main export as far as any merchant would be concerned of.
So, but we do have one that comes through every few moons or so,
just to make sure the small necessities that one might fancy on a flight,
or after hearing a tale from a traveling bard,
those usually wind up filling the bill for most of our citizens here.
And what do you do?
Oh, me, I, well, I spend a portion of my life traveling from town to town,
protecting those less guarded from any kind of onslaught or incursion from more dastardly beings.
Nothing big, mind you.
Just, just, you know, kind of your old backwoods hero.
Used to be, at least.
I've settled down a little bit now.
The male dwarf who's dressed in more religious attire, robes, deep brown robes,
he stands up, he says, our leader is being modest.
He has saved many of us here and runs the town and keeps all of us safe.
Well, I am super interested in finding out how you've saved people.
I love a good story.
Oh, well, there are enough stories of saving people to fill up three span worth of time.
I don't mean to hold you here.
You know, of course, if it's saving people that you're interested in,
we did have someone recently that has become a bit touched and has started hearing voices,
and they, we have secluded them away to make sure that they are not any kind of,
don't find themselves injuring anybody in town or even injuring themselves.
We have made sure that they are safe, taken care of,
and in a position to where we can help them the best we can.
But one of those things I always try to do is try to make sure that the less fortunate find an end to their suffering.
Are they violent?
No, but of course, you know, anybody who hears voices might be compelled to do things.
So better safe than sorry in this situation, I would say.
What kinds of voices?
Touched by who?
Well, I'm not sure exactly who, but they speak of somebody needing help,
and they were, yeah, became quite ravenous at trying to find a way to help them,
although it seemed, it made some of the townsfolk uncomfortable when they were seeking out
where these people were that they could help.
They couldn't seem to find them, and it just, it kept going on and on.
And once a couple of the townsfolk come to me, I'm compelled to do something about it to keep them safe.
The priest speaks up again.
He says they were digging holes, ravenously digging holes behind and around people's properties
and trying to enter unlawfully through people's houses.
You look like you travel with an interesting group.
Perhaps you've seen something of the sort.
If they have any magics, it's very possible that they're tapping into something that we just don't understand.
You said you're in the business of helping people.
Have you tried to help them help the voices?
I'm helping with as much as I can.
I am seeking out and praying to, praying over it and trying to figure out...
No, no, no, no, sorry.
I meant like, are you act, like, did you try to find the people that they say need help?
Well, I mean, they were searching them out and they couldn't find them.
And of course, I'm not the one hearing the voices, so...
When someone digs into the ground to find voices, there's nothing under the ground.
I turn to Flint and I say, I freaking love a good mystery.
Oh, you and me both.
And I mean, if there's voices and people need help, that's kind of our jam.
Yeah, like we like some weird stuff.
This is nothing we've ever experienced before, as our leader has said,
as you have been traveling the road for some time, it seems.
Did we get your names, by the way?
We didn't. We didn't get their names.
I was just merely asking.
But we definitely paid for food for their dragon and offered them some respite in our...
Let me be, we've already, you've already been introduced to our leader, Varnax.
I am Novrath. This here, he motions to the female halfling, is Rubia.
And our good friend over here with the large bushy beard, not quite as bushy as yours,
he motions to the male human, he says, is Ocloth.
Ah, fine. I'm Thea.
Flint over here.
And I met Dawn E. earlier, so...
Yes, super nice to meet you all.
That's the crew.
Thea, it's a pleasure to meet you.
And I will be frank with you, I recognize these names.
And of course, I know what you've done in the land.
And I think you've achieved something most others would only dream of.
I welcome you to Blackpool.
And if you need anything, do not hesitate to ask.
Well, thank you, Varnax. I appreciate that.
Well, perhaps you could be of service if you wanted to speak with the afflicted person, as I've been saying it.
You are more than welcome to make your way down the road.
It's about three buildings, and then you'll turn right down the Little Bunny Muddy Alleyway.
Little Muddy Bunny Alleyway.
Yes, the Muddy Bunny is a small pet store where if you want to buy a bunny, you can.
I thought for sure it was going to be a strip club.
I'm sorry, Russ, I didn't mean to do that to you.
Stoops disappointing, but okay.
Well, thank you, Varnax. I think maybe once we're finished up here and...
Of course.
We'll go. Sorry, do they have a name?
It's Lipsinkie.
I think, yes, Lipsinkie Pippdiggins, I think was her name.
Yes.
Pippdiggins?
It's a difficult one to forget. Pippdiggins. Lipsinkie Pippdiggins.
Okay.
I'm just going to shoot a shot in the dark here, but that sounds like a gnomish name.
You would...
Yes.
That is correct.
I haven't had much dealings with gnomes. What about you, Flint?
A little bit here and there. They're pretty good artificers, so a lot of the fun things that we need in the Dwarven Settlements, we usually do business with them to get.
Cool.
Perhaps tonight, being as you are, are you planning on staying long?
I guess it depends how our chat with Lipsinkie goes.
Of course. Well, if it goes well, and if you decide to stay the night, the room, as has been said, is yours to stay the night, to rest your weary, tired beings.
Would you join us at Vorunax's residence for a meal?
Now, was he already inviting everybody for a meal, or is this now a special thing that's happening just for us?
Oh, no, you're absolutely welcome. Thank you for checking my manners, Novrath.
I thought you were going to say your day planner.
And my day planner.
He's your personal assistant, let's face it.
Maybe a little bit.
Yes, that would be very kind of you.
Perhaps we can discuss what you find with Miss Lipsinkie, and if there's anything that we can do, or if you can do, just to help her.
We don't wish to see people suffer.
Yes.
Well, for sure. Let's go talk to her now. I'm good.
Sure.
Set down that muddy bunny alleyway there.
Right.
During this, you've completed your meal and bid your adunes.
I've left a tip on the table.
Of course, Novrath, Ocklarth, and Rubia bow their heads too, and Novrath says, well, we will see you tonight.
Perfect. We'll see you then.
Take care.
As we leave, I was like, remember when I was all like, I hope nobody knows us here?
Yeah.
I think it's just going to be a problem wherever we go.
Hey, I can change my appearance and my name. I can become a whole different person.
I can't really do that. I can change the name, but I mean, beard.
I mean, yeah, shaving that beard is just not an option.
These scars are kind of, I mean, it's a little bit of a telltale thing here.
The scales.
Yeah, it's just not great.
Which, hold on, are we okay here? Are we all right to stop and do this?
Because I know, I mean, what you've got going on is kind of time sensitive, so.
I mean, as long as we're not here for like four months, I think we're good.
All right. I mean, crazier things have happened, but all right.
As long as we don't get stuck in any mazes and I give her a little nudge.
Throw up in my mouth a little bit.
Should we keep the horses parked here? Parked.
I mean, you did such a good job parking them. I think we got to leave them here.
I think so. Yeah, so it seems to be good. I don't think anyone's going to make a fuss.
No, it should be fine.
You head out and down the street as the duo leaves the Blackpool Inn and Tavern.
Do, does Vorunax want to speak about anything or to anything with any of his cohorts?
Yes, I'm going to, I'm going to inform Novareth and O'Clarke.
I'm going to tell them, listen, go ahead and do what you need to do to send word to allow them in.
Of course.
You don't need to follow them. You simply need to just let them do their thing.
We eventually will find ourselves in a position to hopefully sway them into helping all of us.
If they are as powerful as the new legends have been letting on,
then having them on our side would help rid the world of everyone's suffering.
Rubia, you stay with me.
It's clear.
We will do so.
Excellent.
O'Clarke and Novareth, leave.
And I'm going to hold my hand out in the air and have, say, Gruul, you do your thing, eye in the sky.
Understood?
It lowers its head and the pseudo dragon that had landed on your hand flies out the front door and up into the sky.
Welcome to the middle.
How's it going?
You like in this episode?
Don't tell us if you're not.
I don't even know what it's saying.
Oh, this is the one with Kyle in it.
I was going to say, which episode is this?
Yay, Kyle.
Kyle's in it.
Go listen to Pumparded Podcast because they are very good.
And Kyle is the best.
This is a great review for them.
This is a great review.
You're doing a fantastic job reviewing Pumparded.
This is like a sample review.
So if you wanted to know what a good review would sound like, that was it.
But what if you did it for our podcast instead of Pumparded?
What we're getting at is we want you to enter our contest.
What are they going to win?
I don't even know.
I'm so excited.
You could win a copy of Descent into Avernus.
Whoa.
But wait, there's more.
How can there possibly be more, Russ?
There's always more with us.
You also have a chance to win some sweet swag from Dumjins and Dragons.
I can't even see.
What's our podcast called?
Dumjins and Dragons.
So high pitched.
Just go to your favorite podcast app and search Dumjins and Dragons.
Make sure you have lots of question marks at the end.
Question mark?
Exclamation point question mark?
I feel like we've gotten a little off key here.
We have.
So what Russ is trying to say is that we have a contest going on.
And if you rate and review us at Apple Podcasts or on Facebook or Stitcher
or Podchaser.
Yep.
People still using Pod.
Podbean?
Yeah, sure.
Sure.
Anywhere you can review us.
We will.
And you send us maybe a screenshot of that.
We will enter your name into a draw for those awesome things that Russ just squealed about.
And now you're probably saying, well, Russ, Amy, Tom, Carla, I've already reviewed you because you guys are amazing.
We get it.
You can maybe update your review.
I'm glad you kept talking.
I thought you were just going to stop after we get it.
I was like, oh, Russ, no.
Like too bad.
So sad.
We actually like to punish the people who do this for free.
We get it.
We're awesome.
And we already earned your review.
End of story.
We don't.
Oh, you shit.
That's not what we mean.
Maybe you could just go to a different place and also review us.
That would work.
That would be very nice because we still want you to be able to enter the contest.
You could also show us that you're subscribed to us and maybe even subscribe somebody else so that they can get entered.
Just go up to somebody's phone.
Subscribe them to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Did a co-worker leave their phone open on a table and they went into the kitchen?
Or their computer.
If they left a computer open, that's against security protocol.
Are you waiting for the bus?
Just snatch that phone out of their hands.
Do your thing.
No, don't do that.
Don't do that at all.
I don't think I'm on board for any of that.
Both of those are terrible ideas.
Just close your ears right now.
We're just going to go.
You guys keep talking about your gorilla marketing plan.
OK.
So to recap, we're doing a contest.
You can win a copy of Descent into Avernus or Dumbgeons and Dragons Swag.
First winner will get to pick which one they want.
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To enter, leave us a rating and review wherever you can leave those like Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Facebook, any of them.
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And you can get more than one entry.
So if you choose to leave a review and then also send us a screenshot that you are subscribed to us, that will be two entries into the contest.
Hopefully enjoy the rest of this episode because Kyle, he's awesome.
Yeah.
Bye bye.
Welcome to Facing Fate, an anthological audio fiction actual play podcast.
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You had made your way down to the muddy bunny alley and are outside of the building that you were given directions to, which appears to be a sort of a small hospital.
You enter through the single door and there's a just a very clean wooden counter up at the front of the room.
There's a human female standing at the desk behind and she lifts her head as she's working out some paperwork and says, um, can I help you with anything?
Yes, we're here to see lip stinky pipsqueakins.
Ah, so close to you. So close.
Lip stinky pip diggans. Yes.
That's what I said.
She looks at her pad of paper and then has a confused look for a moment and kind of pauses and then looks up and says, sorry, your names were?
I'm Thea. This is Flint.
Flint and Thea. Of course.
Varunar said we could come have a chat with lip stinky.
He did. He did. Absolutely. He did.
Um, let me, let me just.
I'm sorry. How do you already have our names on a piece of paper?
I don't. And she shows you the paper. There's no names on the paper.
Okay.
And she says, just follow me down this way. And she leads you down a long hallway. A few doors along the way and to one near the near the back.
So I just, I can't do anything in here, can I? I can't do any of my magics and I can't do anything else.
So I'm just sort of stuck in here right now, but I hear you. I'm going to come.
Lip stinky, you hear the lock go and the door creak open and the attendant says after you.
Hello.
What's this? Do I have some visitors?
Yes. Yes. Lip stinky. There's some visitors here to see you.
They've, they've been sent by, by Vorunax to just see if you're interested in chatting, if there's anything anybody can do for you.
Well, geez, I love to chat. Come on in.
We know you do. We know you do. I'm just going to close the door here.
You just knock and call if you need anything and we'll be right down.
Oh, sure. Thank you.
Sure. You have a great day.
Well, how do you, I'm lip stinky, but I mean, it's, I don't know if you got my full name, but it's very long.
Can you say it anyway?
Oh, lip stinky Pip Diggins, but you can.
I totally wrote Dickens.
Pip Dickens.
But you could, if you want, you could, you can just call me Pip.
Pip. That sounds like something I can definitely remember. I have a thing with names.
I'm Thea.
Thea.
And I'm Flint.
Flint.
And we've heard.
You're Thea and Flint?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, it's a real pleasure to meet you.
You too, Pip.
And you as well.
We were, we ran into a couple people in the, the Blackpool Inn and Tavern just down the road.
And they told us, well, you've been hearing voices.
Well, you know, it's the strangest thing.
Came through town just on, on, on my way headed somewhere and stopped the Blackpool Inn and Tavern and had a drink.
And I started to hear some voices that just, just desperately needed help.
I don't know about you, but when I hear somebody desperately needing help, then well, I try and help them.
So, so you're, you're not from here?
No, no, just, just traveling through.
So.
Oh, not anymore.
Well, that's the trouble.
I hear these voices.
I head and I start, you know, it's not the voices that I hear aren't, you know, when you talk to folks on the other side, they're not necessarily clear with, well, you just turn left at the money bunny alley and then you'll find what you're looking for.
That isn't really how it works.
They're just.
Can I back up like two steps here?
Help.
When you say other side, you mean.
You know where the voices come from.
But you mean not, they're no longer living?
Well, just the place and they're not people, you know, I don't, it's not like you guys walk in and say, help, I need help.
I just, I hear it in my head.
OK, but do you know if these people are alive and need your help and if you don't get them the help, they will die or they're already dead and they're restless souls and they need your help to find peace?
Well, now that thing is an awfully good question.
All I know is I heard voices and they were calling out for help and I tried to help them.
And, well, I tried to find them and people here had been so nice, but then you start kind of going in the yards and digging.
And they.
So this was the digging.
This.
Yeah, this was the digging and they got very upset and they put me in here and now I can still hear the voices a little bit, but I can't do any of my magic.
Oh, you can do magic.
You have magic too.
Oh, sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Magic.
But not in here.
Can you.
Well, Thea, your reputation precedes you.
Can you feel like you can do any magic in here?
If he is going to cast Produce Flame and just hold the ball of fire in her hand.
Can I?
You are not able to.
It's almost like there's.
I shake my hand.
Yeah, it's almost like there's a spark like when you're trying to light a lighter and it just shoots off the flint, but nothing really.
Now, I probably can't detect magic in here either, since that's a spell.
But if I'm going to guess, there's definitely been a magic dampening spell placed upon this.
I want to call it a cell, but I guess.
Yeah, let's call it a cell.
I mean, it's a mass cell, but I can't leave.
Yeah.
Can't do any magic.
Is this the first time you've been hearing voices is when you came into town or is this like a frequent thing?
Well.
Quirky part of your personality, somewhere in between those two.
I've I've I've heard and help voices before, but.
This is it's the first time people have tried so hard to stop me.
And I don't know why, if you heard about people needing help, wouldn't you want to help them?
I mean, yeah, we we've helped a lot of people.
That's kind of our thing.
I know you have.
I know.
I know they have.
I have to ask what what why the digging is you felt like they were in the ground?
Well, it just when I hear the voices, like I said, it's not they're not real clear about what they need.
So I just got to go on my instincts about what the right thing to do is.
And that felt like the right thing to do.
OK.
So I don't know what y'all are doing here, but it's it's awfully nice to meet you.
And I guess there's any chance you could help.
That'd be great.
But it sounds like maybe you're already working with Barnaux, so.
Oh, no.
No, the only the only crazy scaly guy I work with is right here and point to Flint.
Yeah.
Check this out as he moves his shirt collar off.
He's like bare chest in it because that's a normal thing to do.
Yeah, you said working with Barnaux.
I mean, we just met him.
Actually, they were curious if we could help you.
Oh, well, I mean, it'd be awfully nice to have some help.
They didn't find a thing about this town.
I got here and everyone was real nice.
And then as soon as I started the digging, they threw me in here.
So sort of sort of mixed messages about how well.
I want to believe I want to believe that they're nice people.
They've seemed very helpful, very, very kind.
But I have a hinky feeling about all this.
But I got a good feeling about you, Pip.
Oh, well, that's awfully nice.
I got a good feeling about you guys, too.
So what's the plan?
You guys want to go digging?
Well, I guess so.
Do you think they're going to throw us in here, too?
I think I'd like to see them try.
OK.
Also, maybe if we ask first and explain the situation, they will be more likely to acquiesce to our request of some shrubbery displacement.
If we tell them the plan first and maybe say where we're going to dig and then do some restoration afterwards.
Well, we can always ask them about why they threw her directly in jail.
All right, Pip, we got to go make a dinner party here.
Not that this isn't important.
We're going to get some answers because it's with them.
It's with them, folks.
So we're going to ask some questions, hopefully learn a thing or two and maybe we'll get you out of here.
Well, we'll get you out of here.
I sure appreciate you trying.
You leave unless you say otherwise.
We knock and leave.
Oh, I slipped her a roll, by the way.
I totally had one on me.
Just in case you're hungry.
Well, thank you.
You knock and the attendant comes back and says, well, if you're done, come down here.
We'll be down in a little while, Lipsinki, with your lunch.
It's probably about that time.
Lunch.
We'll be down with your lunch.
And she closes the door behind you and escorts you out and says, well, I don't know if I'll be seeing you again.
But just Vorunax has apparently stated that you you are free to come visit Lipsinki.
So hopefully that's hopefully that's good.
Are there people who aren't free to come by?
Well, this is a this is a medical facility.
So usually we like to have people who have reasons for being here.
What about just like general well wishers?
Or some looky-loos?
Sure.
Well, we we try not to encourage looky-loos from coming in and visiting sick patients or patients who require assistance.
That doesn't seem very kosher.
But it's anybody is free to come visit.
There's just special restrictions placed on Lipsinki at this moment, just until we can figure out what help she needs.
OK.
Thank you for your help.
Anytime. Thank you.
Have a great day.
So it's lunchtime.
So do you guys just go kill time just looking around?
Where are you going?
What are you doing?
Did we ask how long Lipsinki's been in the jail?
I don't think we did, did we?
I don't know.
She talked very fast about how she just rode in.
She started digging.
So I'm curious if there's some of these digs that are maybe still not filled in and we can just casually be strolling by.
Sure.
You walk through the streets of Blackpool.
Thea, you notice several of the people.
They smile and nod to you, but several don't.
They're just kind of very dead set on where they're looking and don't really pay much attention to you.
So I know I wanted to be ignored, but some of these people have like dead fish eyes.
Have you noticed this?
Straight up nothing there.
I mean, I hadn't really noticed, but I'll start looking.
Try to catch them eye contact.
Are you trying to do that to any of the people?
Yeah, I wave at some of the people who obviously aren't looking at me,
but I would definitely be within their periphery if they would notice me waving at them.
The first person you try and do that to, they don't make a move,
but there's a person walking up behind them who waves and nudges the person in front who then looks and waves back at you.
I mean, they look pretty normal.
Puppets.
Going through the streets, you make an investigation check, both of you.
Oh, there it is.
Did you hear that cling?
That was the cling of defeat.
It's an investigation?
Yeah.
Bye.
She's back.
With a bonus.
She's back.
Thea's very focused on the people more so in Blackpool,
and Flint, you walk around for probably an hour, maybe two,
unless you feel like that's too long for you to be walking around,
and you come across a few holes or a few places where it looks like holes have been dug back over.
So they've been filled in?
Yeah, it looks like recently disturbed dirt.
Dug back over.
Very interesting way to say that.
It was, wasn't it?
Dig up, stupid.
Do I notice anything interesting about these freshly disturbed dirt mounds, Russ?
Is it a set size? Are they all different? What's the plan here?
They're all about the same size.
You can't obviously tell how deep they go without disturbing the dirt of your own.
They are very close to buildings whenever they are dug, wherever they are dug.
Usually digging close to foundations.
A couple near the church, a couple near the tavern,
a couple just out in the middle of the street.
So no real location specific, but usually nearest, for the most part, to buildings.
So I nudge Thea and I say, like, see how a lot of these are near buildings,
then we got just a couple in the street.
I don't really know, I don't think there's any rhyme or reason here, or at least none that I can tell.
Well, if she's digging and she thinks that they're underground and they're near buildings,
maybe there's some people in basements.
Oh, could be. Could be.
Oh, and they did say that they thought she was trying to go into the houses, right?
Maybe there's some people being kept against their will in somebody's basement.
I mean, could be.
Logical is all I get at right now.
You check the sundial and it's getting close to dinner time.
Is this my portable sundial? Yeah.
Well, we should make our way back to our wagon.
And I start calling out for Donnie.
Donnie!
This is me screaming in the street.
You hear his wings flapping and he lands down beside you.
You know, we got like this telepathic connection.
You didn't answer last time.
Yeah, you didn't need to screech in the street.
What am I? Just your bird screech?
Did I embarrass you? And I give him a big hug.
Did I embarrass you, Donnie?
Always. Always embarrass me.
You want to go to a dinner party?
Oh, I like dinner.
You can see. Friends again.
Oh yeah, how was that hunk of beef earlier?
It was good. I came back for six more.
Well, all right then.
Well, we're not paying the gas, so.
Not that you couldn't afford it. You're rolling it.
Well, we'll keep that quiet.
What with that saving the world money?
That's what that's all about.
They didn't pay us for that.
I'm pretty sure they did.
How much?
Who?
We'll discuss that at a later point.
The world paid?
Yeah.
You know, standard to save the world fee.
Standard to save the world fee.
Right, right, right. I remember.
And I gave all of mine to Nularaaa's family.
Same here.
They collect a hero's tax now.
Yeah.
All right, where's this dinner at?
It is at Balcox's.
Balcox's house.
Fuck, Vorunax, damn it.
That's my cousin.
That's my cousin.
We get confused all the time.
Right.
You go to.
Do we know where his house is?
I assume they would have told us before we left.
I assume it's the biggest, nicest one there is.
It is the largest house.
It's not too far.
It's a small town.
You make your way there with little to no problem.
And you go up to the front door and it opens as you get there.
And what do they see as they enter Vorunax's house?
Despite the size of the outside, it's fairly modest inside.
You can see like, you know, a bunch of different skins that are adoring the wall
and a couple of mounted heads of different foes that have been slain,
like trolls and kobold here and there.
You know, just kind of like the remnants of an old school hero that are sitting there.
And other than that, it's fairly rustic.
It's a fairly rustic decorated, rustically decorated house.
Thea, as she's entering, changes cast appearance or change appearance
just because that's how she was raised.
And she puts her hands over her head and her hair is like nicely intricately braided.
And she's just cleaned up a little bit nicer.
Flynn feels very underdressed now.
I didn't change my clothes.
Still, though.
I hand you a wet nap for your face.
Do you do the same to his beard?
I don't think I can change other people's beards.
Oh, I guess you can change stuff.
I could braid it for you if you want.
Just real quick outside the front door.
Just real quick.
Now, does Vorunax have not a servant, but somebody who's escorting them?
Or is it one of your three?
Well, yeah, I would say Rubia probably met them.
There's definitely like, you know, a fairly standard person
that opened the door and welcomed in.
But Rubia is the one who would greet them in this entry way.
You see Rubia walk up and says, glad to see you've made it.
Come with me this way.
How was your day? How was your afternoon?
It was very good. It was interesting.
You have a very nice little town here.
Thank you.
I think we would pride ourselves on our welcoming demeanor.
I think is a good way to describe it.
As you walk down the halls, it opens into a dining room area.
And you see Vorunax. Is Vorunax in there?
Yeah, Vorunax would be waiting.
He's probably just kicking back and carving a small wooden toy.
Goklarth and Novrath are also there, waiting for dinner and your arrival.
And Novrath stands up as you enter and says, welcome back,
when he comes up and moves to shake your hands.
He goes in for a hug.
Oh, goodness.
It's very nice.
Vorunax chuckles at seeing the hug happen.
And he kind of like, you know, shakes his head a little bit, stands up.
You see him place the small toy and the whittling knife on a mantle
with a bunch of other small wooden figurines
that he's obviously carved over a long life of carving.
When I hug, though, I'm secretly checking for weapons.
You know, feel if there's a sword on there.
Sure. Make it a nice investigation check.
It's a lot of wiggling. A very wiggly hug.
Nat 20!
I'm fucking wasting it. I'm wasting on my 20.
Yeah, you hug him and you fondle him in the appropriate ways.
Light groping.
Light groping.
Nothing creepy.
No. You don't feel any weapons on him as you pat him down.
Is this how they hug in Waterdeep?
No, this is a silvery moon hug.
Oh, that's what that is.
And I turn to Ruby and I'm like, get in here!
And I do the same to her.
I assume my Nat 20 can go for the three people I plan on hugging.
Every grope you make from here on out.
Every grope I make.
Okay.
With great power comes great responsibility, Amy.
Right?
I think I'm doing it. I think I'm doing it.
You hug Ruby and you don't feel any weapons on her as you continue to grope.
She leans into it, doesn't she? Yeah, she does.
I go for polite handshakes all around.
BAlydince. That's what this is about.
You go to hug Ocklarth.
He reluctantly approaches you and says, this is how it's going to be.
Which is the number one thing I love hearing before I give a hug.
You don't feel any weapons. You do feel like a notepad in a pocket.
Is that a notepad in your pocket?
Yes. I keep notes for Vorunax.
I was the scribe once.
And then I go to Vorunax. Get in here!
A hero's hug is always welcome.
And I'll accept that hug while being cognizant of my own being.
Can we rock back and forth a little bit?
You know, when we're both really into it.
Like how Tom and I hug.
Right?
I hug you like I hug Tom.
Out of game. Is there anything you are trying to hide that you would need a role to hide?
Because my hands will feel everything.
I'm just wanting to know, am I being checked?
Because I've been around the block.
Go insight then.
Your I've been around the block means a way different thing than what I grew up saying been around the block means.
Yeah. That's fair.
That's fair.
It's not my first rodeo.
I only got a five, so yeah.
I mean, you're just in a passionate embrace at this point.
So, ah, yes.
A hero's hug and I guess a hero's handshake.
And I shake hands with Flint.
And say please, please have a seat.
Food will be brought momentarily, of course.
Unless you're ravenous at the moment.
And I think we could even kick open the back doors.
Kick open the back doors, Novrath.
And let in Don E.
Oh, yes, of course, of course, of course.
And he goes up to the back doors.
I didn't realize Don E. didn't come in through the front door with us.
We didn't establish so.
Might have been too small for him.
He pulls some curtains back in the dining area.
And gives a swift kick to the doors.
They stick a little bit.
And he jimmies them open.
And he looks around.
And then you hear Don E. just land at the door.
Did he land fist down?
Iron Man pose.
This is a great drive-through he got here.
Got any more of that beef?
Well, O'Clarke, by all means.
Go take care of this for us.
Uh, yeah.
Right.
Just come this way.
We got actually the freshest of meat out behind in the pastures.
Is that what you're looking for?
Oh, yeah, bud.
I haven't had a fresh cat.
They didn't let me eat the fresh ones.
Well, no, we were just heading through a town, Don E.
And that was their livelihood.
Okay, well, they're offering this one.
Is that okay?
Yeah, they're offering.
Yeah, you go for it.
One we can sacrifice without.
You will be fine.
You're my new favorite buddy.
Did you hear him say one?
Yep.
I'll see you in a little bit.
Okay.
Don't go too far.
O'Clarke leads Don E. out behind the building.
And you kind of peek out.
And yeah, there's a pasture that kind of goes up and into the forest.
And there's cows.
Forest cows.
Just going to look longingly as Don E. flies away and be like,
I hope someday I can fly like that.
They're the luckier of the dragons.
Oh, well.
Well, speaking of dragons,
it's not every day you have heroes such as yourself
with such a what's the word I'm looking for
that I legitimately can't think of.
You'll get it.
It's all right.
Awkward stature?
Stature would be the word.
I wouldn't say awkward.
You've again accomplished something that I wouldn't even dream of.
So, pray tell, now that you've done such a great good in the world,
what's next?
That's a really good question.
That's the question.
Yeah.
Well, we're going to get Flint taken care of here.
That's high up on that to-do list.
What seems to be the thing that you need taken care of, Flint?
See, I've got a...
Well, I've got like a second spirit of sorts living in me
who's a dragonborn and he's slowly kind of taking over my body.
Huh.
Yeah.
See these scales?
And he kind of gives a sneak peek again.
Whips his shirt open for the second time.
What color are the scales?
Come on, it's a naked dwarf, come on.
Blue.
Okay, excellent.
Some may see it as a curse, others as a boon.
I don't know how you take it,
but I guess since you're trying to rid yourself of it,
it's not something you desire.
Well, it's not that I'm trying to rid myself of it, per se.
I'm trying to find a home for Bort who's alongside with me here.
Oh, and we love Bort.
Don't get us wrong, but we don't want to lose Flint to him.
Right.
It's one or the other.
Okay, but so you would be good without it's Bort?
It is Bort, yes.
So you would be good without Bort if you could keep Flint?
Yeah.
Yes.
But we don't want to do Bort dirty.
No, the idea is to find a vessel for him.
He was sacrificed.
He was sacrificed for something.
For something.
That's not to get into it.
I mean, that's usually what some sacrifices are for.
Yeah, it was for a good cause.
It sounds very...
Nova S. speaks up and says,
it sounds very interesting, this sacrifice,
and how it hopped into your friend Flint here, his soul.
Yeah, that was messed up.
We weren't expecting that.
No, that doesn't sound like anything anybody should expect.
Souls are meant to live comfortably
after they depart and move on.
Maybe it's because we carried his head around for a while.
I don't really know.
So you're heroes, and I'm actually just not even going to touch that one.
Yeah, that's best.
It's very foggy.
Carrying a head around, okay.
So is there any malicious intent from Bort?
Was this person your friend, your compatriot?
What role did they play?
He played the role of sacrifice.
We got sent to another realm,
and he was part of getting us back to our own.
Ah.
So a return home and Bort was the ticket.
Essentially, yeah.
Wait, didn't we use him to get into a cave?
Where we had to get the...
Library of the Dead.
Library, yeah.
This is all from three years ago.
So we're flying off bad memory.
I can't believe you had Bort for so long.
So long.
So Bort is the reason why we got back,
and we just want to do right by both Flint and Bort.
As you're discussing, a couple attendants
and the chef come into the room,
and they lay down food at each of the table settings,
and it's a delicious, delicious tenderloin.
Some mini new potatoes.
Are they fingerling potatoes?
Fingerling potatoes.
Love a gift.
A nice spread of fresh seasonal vegetables.
Ooh.
What's in season?
Squash.
Ooh.
And carrots.
That's two carbs on my plate.
I'm in heaven.
And they lay down and do a half bow towards you
and to Vorunax and then exit the room.
Well, this just looks delicious.
Please.
I hope you do enjoy the fruits of our land's labor.
Our town doesn't have much to offer,
but I guess a culinary twist is about as far as we go
as getting exotic.
So this town.
Super nice.
Thank you.
And we met with, um, Lip, Lippy, Lip, Pippy?
Lipsinki.
Pip Diggins.
Yes.
And she's just a super sweetie.
Oh yes, delightful personality.
And she had nothing but nice things to say
about everyone here at the town.
Glad to hear that.
And she realizes that she may have been in the wrong
for digging.
And we went around and we saw the numerous holes.
Yeah, there was a lot of them.
Yeah, there were.
She's industrious.
Yes, made quite some ground, I guess you would say.
Oh, that's a good one.
And she is very sorry that she did that.
But I'm wondering if, and in all of our travels,
we have seen some strange stuff.
I'm talking brains in jars.
Oh yeah, that was a good one.
Mass armies of the undead.
Just like so much stuff that the idea of a little gnome
such as herself hearing voices telling her
that they need help is just not very far-fetched.
And I'm curious because you are obviously someone
who has number one fantastic hospitality services,
but also is very, um, you've said so yourself.
You're very keen on helping others.
Being a hero in the past, you've said,
that maybe you could find it in your heart
to allow us to help Lipsinki to quell these voices.
Because I do believe that they are going to serve a purpose.
And you might even find there's something going on
in your small town you had no idea about.
Throughout your long talk there.
It was so long.
Thank you for letting me monologue.
Throughout that, you've noticed a couple of the attendants
come in and close up the doors.
There's a slight breeze coming in through the back doors
where Donnie was.
They close the doors.
And as they exit with the food,
they close the doors behind you to the main dining area.
So what do you say?
And I quickly, just before he answers,
I just shout out in my mind, Donnie, okay?
Just checking on him.
He's like, he's like a kid brother
that now we have to look after them.
You hear him back, he's like, nom, nom, nom, nom.
Eating the big cow.
It's very tasty.
Don't you fall asleep.
Okay.
I won't fall asleep.
Things might get weird.
We might need you.
Don't you fall asleep.
What are they going to do?
You keeping your clothes on?
I don't answer.
It's going to be a party later.
So what do you say?
Well, if you're thinking that you could help out Lipsinki,
then who am I to stand in the way of that?
And seeing you three stop an army of the undead,
that would be a sight.
An army of the undead would be a sight to behold.
You defeating them, of course.
But yes, yes.
Did I tell you what?
If you want to poke around
and see if there's maybe something
that I don't know about my own town,
I would welcome the opportunity
for you to get to the bottom of things, I guess,
it would be.
Well, you know what?
It's kind of funny you said that
because we would really like to get to the bottom
of some of the buildings.
Okay.
If you could give us some carte blanche
as to just going in and checking out some basements.
I mean, we promised to be
and have the utmost respect
of people's personal space and private things.
We're not rummagers.
We're not looking to steal from you.
Donnie just reminded us that
apparently we got money that we gave away.
I don't know.
We don't need anything from you.
But we would like to help.
Money is not a real object to me either.
I've made my way through my younger years
by offering services to town
for goods and services.
Coin was not something I was ever after.
So giving your coin away,
that's respectable.
Thank you.
And if you would like to,
if it helps you even further,
I'd like to know your hypothesis.
Why the bottom of buildings?
What is it about basements
or anything underneath the buildings?
What are you thinking?
I'm just curious.
We were just thinking that
why else was Lipsinki digging holes?
She needed to get down somewhere,
obviously, right?
I guess.
Seems like it'd be easier to just try to
get in a house,
but perhaps there was at least enough sense
in her head to
not just barge into people's domiciles.
But by all means,
I tell you what,
how about we make it easy for you?
If Lipsinki seems to know where these voices are coming from,
perhaps Lipsinki can guide you to them.
And maybe even give you a hand
eliminating this issue that my town has.
That would be more than kind.
Well, then by all means,
is there anything else I can offer you for this evening?
Would you like to,
do I need to send word now?
I mean, it seems like it'd be pretty late to
trouble my town's folk with this.
Perhaps you could wait until the morning,
get a nice fresh start on it.
I think the morning sounds very fair.
Yeah.
Perfect.
Well then, I will send out word
throughout the town and
send it to the appropriate people
and let them know that
the heroes of Faerun,
the decimators of dragons,
are here to help our fair little haven.
And I'm sure they would be more than welcoming
to have you come in
and squash out whatever bugs seem to be crawling around.
Gross.
Alright.
Oh God, I hope it's not bugs.
Oh no.
Dessert?
Yes, absolutely.
And I clap for dessert and it comes.
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Gabriel Lynch,
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Visit Patreon.com slash dumb dragging cast
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The song Nowhere Land is by Kavin McLeod
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All other music and some sound effects
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The pink robe has come off.
I'm getting serious.
I'm ready to get serious.
Is it business when the pink robe is off
or when the pink robe is on?
Wait a minute.
Is it my business robe?
I don't know.
I might need more than one robe.
What was your name again?
Oh, it's real nice to meet you,
real nice to meet you.
My name is Lip Sinky Pip Diggins.
Ah.
Lip Sinky.
Well, Lip Sinky,
I assure you.
I need to write it down.
Keep it together.
I can't.
It's not your scene.
That's amazing.
I'm sorry.
You find yourself at the,
oh, son of a bitch.
Ah, at the son of a bitch.
I've been there and forever.
Best pub.
What brings you to our fair little town?
Trying to make our way back to,
what was it, Russ?
Never went too water deep.
Never water deep.
Water deep.
Always water deep.
Always water deep, Tom.
It could have been different.
I'm going to write down it's always water deep.
It's always water deep.
Go.
Sorry.
Do they have a name?
Carla.
No, no, it's not Carla.
Strange name.
Dumbgeons & Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.